C.R.A.Z.Y. …..Or Not…..

A broken brain,
Truly insane,
Or so they think,
And so from associating with you,
They wholly abstain.

A real weirdo,
Talked about to your face,
By insinuation and innuendo,
That has caused the majority,
To give you lots of space.

Psycho is,
As psycho does,
At least that’s the way,
The story goes,
Well fuck it,
May as well give them another reason,
For their woes.

A real show stopper,
Though some would say,
Off your rocker,
But don’t let that stop ya.

Getting the short end of the stick,
Has gotten you labeled a lunatic,
But it’s what makes you tick,
So you should go with it.

Called unbalanced,
And totally just not right,
So their anger,
You unknowingly invite.

Supposedly nutso,
But let that lie go,
‘Cuz it’s not so,
Deranged might be strange,
But your mind is fine,
Don’t let them have you believing,
What they say they’re seeing.

Not identifying as one of them,
Is not necessarily demented,
You have been misrepresented,
But the fibs they have invented,
Have unfortunately been cemented,
And they’re enjoying seeing you tormented.

Undefined

Black and white,
Black for wrong,
And white for right,
But there are things that aren’t fitting,
Of any category,
Every part of life,
Has that gray area,
Where there are exceptions,
And depending on one’s perception,
The deed may garner glory,
Or it may be a deception.

Say a person,
Goes out one night,
And is involved,
In a fight,
It resulted,
In a death,
But no one knows,
That the supposed victim,
Manufactured meth,
That killed the friend,
Of the one we now seek,
To apprehend.

It’s an area,
That can cause hysteria,
Nothing’s black or white,
It’s all ill-defined,
And confuses the mind.

It’s gray,
Where things could sway,
And play either way,
No one’s certain,
Thoughts of which side of the fence,
A verdict could fall,
Leave everyone in suspense.

You’re in between,
Saying yes or no,
It could  spawn nothing,
But it may cause a row,
Maybe no one else would recommend it,
How will you know though,
If you don’t give it a go?

Imagine saying no,
But you said yes,
To that potential beau,
Whether it’s bad or good,
Is as of now a bit fuzzy,
Yes it went,
Against the rules,
But it hurt no one,
And not to do it,
Would have made you a fool.

So you don’t follow the crowd,
And to the majority,
You make no sense,
You live life,
Off the straight and narrow,
It’s not exactly proper,
But neither is it,
Exactly unlawful,
Would you rather hide in a shroud?
Or stand up straight and be proud?

You’ve always said you would never,
But never say never,
Because well,
Maybe,
If it was one hell,
Of a worthwhile endeavor,
Hey that’s that gray area,
Coming into play,
So……….just……….whatever.

Weird, But It Works……….

Prayer and whiskey,
Does that combo sound crazy?
Oh but darling, trust me –
It works splendidly!
Now add some sunshine to that mix,
And you got perfection, bitch.

Laying in the sun,
While sipping on a strong, strong drink,
Then thought of a prayer,
Just sent it up,
And the problems disappeared,
Right into thin air.

Even if they were still there,
I would not fucking care,
I wouldn’t feel them anymore,
That’s for fucking sure.

I’ve got that whiskey numbing my blood,
And protection,
From the Lord above,
I’m golden,
Thanks to the outlets I have chosen.

Good to go,
Because I’ve let it go,
The shit show,
Has all but been forgotten,
And it’s fuckin awesome.

The Most Difficult Easy Task In The World

Sort of like the color blue,
He’s acting bold,
Kind of like navy,
Then another day,
I’d describe him as more pastel,
Listless and boring,
With nothing to say.

Snow ,
Whether slushy or fluffy,
Can be compared to her,
She’s much the same,
As the color white,
Because like that,
No matter what’s going down,
Be its consistency boring, annoying, cold, or stuffy,
Her color’s hues barely vary.

One changes face,
To fit the situation,
Everyone is a fan,
Because he always fits,
As the ideal man.

The other is the same,
One hundred percent of the time,
Always speaking her mind,
Fake is not her kind,
She cannot do it,
No matter who would approve it.

Apart anger boils,
And progress spoils,
Then when face to face,
All seems to get erased,
Brains go blank,
The only thing in mind,
Is this attraction they chase.

He feels unworthy,
Of her beauty,
Uncool and past his prime,
And that she may just want,
To bleed him out of,
His last dime.

She feels unaccomplished,
Almost stupid,
Next to him,
He’s so educated and polished,
It leaves her,
Speechless and astonished.

Each day this is left unchecked,
One or both is vexed,
Please guys,
Just meet in the middle,
Once and for all,
Resolve this riddle.

Something……….I’m Not Sure What……….

A blazing beam,
In this trying time,
Is what I fantasize of finding,
But I guess the fucker is hiding.

It can come in the form,
Of divine intervention,
Or a human,
With decent intentions,
………If either even exist?
I don’t know…….on that I am torn.

Something bright and sunny,
And sweet like honey,
Pleasant like pin money,
Rather than bad like blood money.

Rocks are being thrown,
So far I’m dodging,
And they haven’t broken any bones,
Fingers crossed,
That they never quite hit home.

Hmmm……….
What is happy,
And could make one forget,
That recent hands dealt have been crappy?
Anything that pushes,
Some positivity,
Would be positively welcome,
Something that’s strong,
And shoves this shit,
Down where it belongs.

It can show up by day,
Or by night,
Even give me,
An awful fright,
As long as it makes,
Life flow right.

Luck of the Irish,
Rain down upon me,
As though I’ve captured,
A leprechaun,
Or ran across a rare four-leaf-clover,
While walking across my lawn,
Turn things around,
Please pull me out,
Of this imaginary ocean,
In which I find myself drowned.

Under a spell,
Originating,
From the depths of Hell,
It’ll take something magical to smash it,
Like a unicorn,
Blowing a mighty horn,
Or a centaur,
Dead set on winning a war.

Trying to hit the nail on the head,
By filling me with dread,
Things coming,
From all sides at once,
Hoping I’ll stay bummed,
And never resume,
Happy hums,
But……….fuck that shit!
………. Surely I’ll soon shake this yuck……….

Hidden Dangers

********************

Watch your back,
The world’s on crack,
Be careful when trusting one,
Unless you’re ready to take on,
A loaded gun.

********************

A fly on the wall,
As they sipped on cocktails,
The things heard,
Quite absurd.

A spy disguised,
As one of them,
Their secrets prized,
Now stolen by outsider eyes.

A turtle that moves,
Slow as fuck,
Unnoticed by you,
Because you were drunk,
He heard you spilling your guts,
To a trusted friend,
Heard every word,
From beginning to end.

A bird on a branch,
As your thirst is quenched,
Sitting your ass,
On the secluded bench,
Now you’re rested,
It’s seen what you resume,
When you go back to doing whatever,
Alone, of course,
Well…..
So you assume…… 

Your child at play,
On your bad day,
Too young you think,
To absorb background happenings,
The next day things that went down,
Get told to one,
Then continue to make,
Their way around.

Going out,
On a stormy winter night,
Thinking this will hide,
Your dirty deed tonight,
But,
………WRONG!
As you are hidden,
So is the other,
Because the storm,
Was that good of a cover.

A snake in the grass,
Posed as one having your ass,
Presently inside your world,
Knowing you through and through,
Until one day,
You they overthrew,
Now suddenly,
They’re through with you.

********************

Watch your back,
Cut no one slack,
There’s always a knife,
Poised and ready for attack.


********************

The Mind Behind The Face

Do u know what it’s like,
To walk out the door,
And have everyone staring,
Hoping to score?

No?
Well read on………
There is never a respite,
Daily dealings with multitudes,
Ranging from them with inflated egos,
To those who are shy but desperate.

Day to day life,
Just going about my business,
And just like the rest of you,
My time is precious,
Therefore it’s not always a compliment,
And it’s long since got old,
Yes I DO resent it,
And no I don’t care how deep you dug,
To find the courage,
To be so bold.

At the local grocers,
Because shocker – I’m just like you and need food!
When you stop and say I’m a vision,
Just because I’m not flattered,
Doesn’t make me a lesbian,
It may, however,
Mean that yourself in public,
Needs supervision!

Going out on a weekend night,
Because my week’s been a fuckin’ fright,
There to relax and unwind,
And catch up with a friend,
I haven’t seen in some time,
Just because you struck up conversation,
And I was too polite to thwart it with diversion,
Doesn’t mean my smiles,
Were meant for flirtation,
What a sad world it is,
I can’t believe tact is interpreted like this!

Do not lie!
I saw the eyes follow,
When I passed by!
And do not tell me I should expect it,
Be honored and put up with it!
Your only reason being – my looks!!??
That is moot!
And grounds for nothing,
But to show your ass my boot!

Not all of us ladies,
Go around acting shady,
Myself,
I’ve got dignity,
And just because you want it,
Does not entitle you to a piece of me,
Are you beginning to see,
You were wrong about me!?

Old Hat

I’m sitting here wondering why,

People put an expiration date,

On something not brand new,

How is it not still great?

And not still worth its weight in gold?

Do you have an answer?

Or will your mouth just continue to hammer?

At what age does this classic,

Become trash to fill a sack?

Is it actually,

Without a doubt,

Truly fucking worn out?

Or  might you be kind of close-minded,

Just following the twisted thinking,

Of your fellow mankind?

Antique to me means much,

Not out dated at all,

And as such,

I’ll keep a hold on it,

Because an original,

Versus a copycat,

Why the fuck,

Would I give up that?

Old fashioned,

Isn’t necessarily behind the times,

No need to pawn it off for cash,

Anyway,

When did gaining another year become a crime?

A heirloom, a treasure, a relic,

Not ancient or creaky or clunky,

It shouldn’t be cast as an outcast,

To a pile of unacceptable junk,

But be a collector’s item,

To be recycled,

To brighten your days,

And to remind you of the good old ways.

Lock, Stock, And Barrel

What is 100 proof?

It is full strength,

Not watered down,

Not diluted.





100 proof,

Comes off as in-your-face,

It is flamboyant,

And not for the faint of heart.





If angst is inside,

It should fucking shine,

Not be kept bottled up inside,

So others won’t think you corrupt,

But the same can be said,

For experiencing joy or pain,

And even of feeling mundane.





Own yourself,

At 100 proof,

Don’t go all lame,

To become a crowd pleaser,

Camouflage,

To acquire an unnecessary entourage –

……….That’s just too fucking ridiculous.





Not many can take me,

At 100 proof,

They expect everyone and everything,

To be just like them,

To speak and act and react,

A replica of what they would,

Newsflash motherfuckers,

I’m not a brainless block of wood!





There’s many things,

That come 100 proof,

People, faith, and alcohol,

Do you have it?

Can you take it?

Or will the trust put in you be shaken?

How To Make Santa Angry

A polar bear,

Without a care,

Was skating mindlessly across the ice,

Thinking about a steaming bowl of something nice,

When down swooped a pigeon,

Who tried to get him to join up,

With some cultish religion.

He turned quickly around,

To get away,

From that awful sound,

And that’s when he heard,

The most welcome noise,

As it ran past him,

So swiftly it was blurred.

It was his good friend,

Elvis Elf,

The one he cared most for,

Besides himself,

And he was singing a version,

Of Jingle Bells,

That would have had Mr. Pigeon,

Saying he was doomed to the Hells.

“Peter White”,

Said Elvis,

When he was close enough to be heard,

“I dare you to help me make Old Santy mad,

Let’s make this song of mine,

A new North Pole Christmas fad”!

And there Elvis began to sing:

“Jingle Bells,

Mr. Santa’s balls smell,

And I wish he’d go away”……….

Laughing,

But at the same time horrified,

He agreed,

To cooperate,

I’ll make it known here,

That this polar bear,

Had a personality snare,

That prevented him,

From turning down a dare.

So the two put their heads together,

To plan what might be best,

As the elf had a vendetta,

With Mr. Santa,

To get off his chest,

And of course the bear,

Was excited to prove,

He was not too pussy,

To perform such a measly dare.

It took some doing,

But their brains finally did figure out,

A way to easily go about,

Making the wild tune,

Something all the North Pole’s peoples,

Would willingly shout.

Old Rudy was taken,

To a cabin long forsaken,

Peter stood watch,

To be sure he got,

The best possible care,

And to make sure,

If any others came by,

His roar would give them,

A gigantic scare.

Elvis distributed a bulletin,

With the lyrics of his shocking song,

And advising,

If they wanted their lead deer back,

They would have it learned,

By the time dawn cracks,

A fortnight from now,

And at the end was written a post script,

Warning if they breathed a word to the Head Man,

They risked being whipped.

It was a different sort of missive,

That got delivered,

To Old Santy and his wife,

It started out “Dear Sir and Ma’am”,

And ended with,

“If you’re not there,

It will cut through our hearts like a knife,

Love and kisses,

Signed,

Your Faithful Elves”.

All day every day rehearsals were held,

Meeting in little groups,

To keep the Boss from finding out,

Yes it would be a most unwelcome time,

For him to start nosing about.

With a foreboding feeling,

All learned each and every line,

And before they knew,

It was time to assemble,

In front of the grove of pines.

The morning of the singing,

Turned out bright and sunny,

And not knowing the truth,

Both Clause’s put on cheery finery,

So they would look their best,

When they went to see,

What pleasures were planned for them,

By these little darlings,

Who barely came up to their knees.

When they pulled up to the pine grove,

Things were very quiet,

So much so,

That against all the brightness and snow,

It seemed almost eerie.

There before them sat,

Rows and rows of elves,

Still and silent as the ones,

Who sit upon your shelves.

In just a moment,

Elvis stepped up to the sleigh,

“Now out you get you two,

And follow me this way”,

He said sans a greeting,

Then walked off towards the special seating.

Soon the Jolly Man and his woman,

Were settled in to watch,

“How blessed we are”,

Whispered He to Her,

But how fast this changed,

To “Let’s get ourselves the fuck out of here”!

When at Elvis’s urging,

All those threatened elves began to sing.

“Jingle Bells,

Mr. Santa’s balls smell,

And I wish he’d go away”……….

And then from around the corner,

Darted the red-nosed reindeer,

For whom during the past two weeks,

The Clause’s had lived in fear,

Of never seeing again,

And he proceeded to tell them all,

About the how’s and why’s,

Of his sudden kidnapping.

Meanwhile the song was coming to an end:

“Jingle all the way,

Oh it’s fun to take and hide,

The one who leads the Sleigh”……….

In Elvis’s eyes,

Things were at long last even,

Between him and the Big Man,

Tit for tat,

After last Christmas’s embarrassment,

He had finally taken a stand.

Oh though,

What an oops this was on his part!

To assume all would resume,

Business as usual,

After that knife he just purposely thrust,

Straight through Santa’s heart.

He thought himself high and mighty,

But Santa was just waiting,

For him to go night-nighty,

Then with a little Christmas Land Magic,

Elvis was modified,

Into a figure most tragic.

When he awoke,

A monster stared back from his mirror,

And as the day wore on,

The fact it was no joke,

Became increasingly clearer.

He was then banished,

To guard the North Pole’s secret entrance,

Their own abominable snowman,

Who walks with a limp,

And a candy cane club,

Being deemed unpardonable,

By both the Clause’s,

For certain there’s nothing,

That can cure this curse.